Being angry is drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

You know the feeling where you just want to make excuses for everything thats going wrong in your life, because everything is falling apart. But you are mature enough to see that blaming and pointing fingers isn't really going to solve your problems. But you have no other good way to channel your anger and frustration? Yeah. This is how I'm feeling these days.

I'm frustrated with ulcerative colitis.

Who wants to deal with fatigue, pain, diarrhea, weight loss, weight gain, bloody stool, acne face, muscle cramps, nutrient deficiency and other symptoms of this chronic disease for the rest of their life. One of the other depressing things about UC is not being able to enjoy one of life's pleasures in FOOD like before. I can just see the constant explanation of why you don't eat certain foods and how certain foods may trigger funny reactions to your poop.

Of course there is always the option to not care about your diet which apparently has no correlation to the symptoms of UC according to medicine these days. So if diet is not really a factor then what is there left to control. Yes there are immune system suppressing steroids out there to control the inflammation (with horrible side effects) and pills to help with the digestion of food. But how long will these medicines be affective for before your body becomes immune. The ultimate "cure" for UC is to have a portion of your intestines removed and replaced with a pouch. How does a pouch sound as a cure?

Symptoms:

Blood - It's the least painful part of having colitis. But it's the part that matters the most. This is when the nutrients your body needs to function gets depleted. It could be a few teaspoonful, mixed with the stool or a majority of your bowel.

Fatigue - ALWAYS feeling tired. Getting up was hard, standing in the shower became unbearable, making food was not enjoyable. I would be the slowest one walking down the street. And climbing stairs left me out of breath and exhausted.

Pain - If you are a girl who gets period cramps, it's having cramps ALL the time.

Urgency - It is always a dash to the toilet in the middle of the night. Struggle to find the nearest toilet right after eating. Always felt like it had to be NOW or otherwise KSPHEWOIREON.

Diarrhea - Constantly on the toilet seat. Middle of the night, after each meal, and in between.

Weight Loss - Just not getting the nutrients your body needs and pooping everything out.